Not great at the whole "relaxed" approach to TTC...

As I stated in my last post, we are currently not doing any fertility treatments.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  The first is obviously because we just relocated and it takes time to get insurance switched over and find the right doctor.  Another reason is that I felt horribly a little traumatized by my past doctor experience.  I read through so many other blogs written by women going through a similar journey, except they have doctors that they love.  Doctors that take the time to explain things and hold them while they cry and generally just make them feel comfortable with something that is incredibly sensitive and uncomfortable by design.  You would think that would be standard with doctors that have chosen this field, but unfortunately, it is not.  So this time I will not waste time and money on someone that doesn't make me feel good about the whole process.

While we are not currently seeking treatment, that doesn't mean we don't still want a baby as much as ever.  It's really difficult because we had started the steps into our first IVF cycle in April, which really got our hopes up.  We finally could really imagine that this might actually happen for us.  But then we cancelled it, and that was devastating to me.  Although I know we made the right choice because the whole thing just didn't feel right at that time, it still hurt.  We got so close to the finish just to go back to the starting line.  For now, we are just doing things the old-fashioned way.  Our love life got so clinical, so we are working on that.  I'm not taking my temps or anything like that this time, but I am using OPK's.  I tried to do it on the sly so that the husband didn't really notice, because I wanted this time to be about us, not the TTC process.  But, he has been at this as long as me, and figured it out.  It hasn't really affected things, so I guess it is better that he knows.  And obviously, I am not nearly as sneaky as I thought I was!

Right now, I am on CD 14.  No smiley face yet, so I most likely missed my surge.  It's okay, it was just a guideline for me anyway.  But it would have been nice to see that damn stick smiling back at me.  Oh well, I will pee on that stick one more time today and then just chalk it up to bad timing if the bitch gives me an  empty circle again.

I'll keep you updated :)

Back from my blogging vacation...

Well hello there strangers.  I can't believe that it has been over 2 months since I have blogged.  I'd love to tell y'all that it is because I am preggers....or that I have been busy doing amazing things with my life...but that would be a lie.  The truth is, I just haven't really had anything to say...at least nothing that wouldn't sound like I was throwing a pity party for myself.  I find that people do not want to read those kind of depressing thoughts, so I have backed off for awhile.  Well, I am still depressed, but thought I would ease back into the blogging world.

Where to begin?

The husband is officially an Army recruiter, and we are living in Modesto---well, just south of Modesto anyways.  Wow, that's really all that has happened since I last blogged.  I guess it wasn't so hard to figure out where to begin after all!

I am trying my darndest to find a job in an area in which the unemployment rate is twice the national average, so that is fun.  We have taken a break from doctors for the moment because I got sick of the disappointment and I don't know when I will be ready to see one again.  We are still TTCing of course, that never stops, but it is on a much more relaxed level for now.  Although when I remember how close I am getting to 30 and when I see people posting their pregnancy posts on Facebook, it is harder to be relaxed about it all.  And I have had several people around me getting pregnant lately, which is always hard to talk about.  I hate that these people are afraid to tell me when they get their good news, but I guess that is what happens when you go public with your own infertility struggles.  If any of those people are reading this by the way, please understand that I am happy for you regardless of my own struggles.  Really.

I guess that is enough for now.  I am really going to try to jump back in, so hopefully I will be back sooner than later.  Back to the jobhunt!