We have a heartbeat!

Today I am officially 6 weeks pregnant, and we had our first ultrasound with the RE.  I was nervous about what to expect since it is still so early, but luckily they have great equipment.  We were able to see our baby and its perfect little heart beating.  Seeing that was the most amazing thing I've ever seen...and hearing the heartbeat was the best sound.  It looks like the baby is measuring 5w6d, which is just a day behind.  And the heartbeat was 104 bpm.  I thought that sounded low based on what everyone else always reports...until the doctor reminded me that the heart didn't even start beating until a couple of days ago, so it is still warming up.  Besides, we are so lucky to have heard anything this early.  Most pregnant women don't get to hear the heartbeat until 8 or 9 weeks when they have their first ultrasound.

I feel like I was finally able to let out the breath I had been holding since we first got our positive test.  This really worked.  I'm shocked, to be honest.  I know I was spouting all this positivity, but it was mainly all for show.  I was pretty sure that this would not work the first IVF cycle.  I am so thankful that I was proven wrong.

Things feel more real now.  But I still feel like a fraud.  I lurk through baby stores and sneak around the maternity department, convinced that people are looking at me wondering what the hell I am doing there.  And I am having trouble finding where I belong with this.  I may be pregnant, but I still think like an infertile.  I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I tried joining a couple of pregnancy forums, and instantly went to the Birth Month section so that I could talk to other women going through the same things as me.  Except they aren't.  Okay, that's not fair.  They are going through the same thing, technically.  But most of them talk about basically just looking at their husband and getting pregnant....or they are on their 3rd or 4th kid already.  They have flat stomachs that they are showing off, looking for a bump that hasn't formed yet---I am trying to hide the fact that I already look 3 months pregnant most days because of the bloat left over from the IVF and the fact that my ovaries are still quite enlarged.  And I am so happy about this pregnancy, but I am also scared.  Like all the time.  When will that pass?  When I am out of the first trimester?  The second?  Or not until my baby is in my arms?  I just want to be a normal person that is excited about her first pregnancy, basking in that glow that everyone talks about.

Okay, end of vent.  I just had to get those feelings out before I exploded.

On another note, the nausea kicked in for real today.  I didn't actually throw up, but I did have to choke down some saltines first thing this morning to avoid it.  Yet, even though I'm nauseous, I am also starving.  Like All.The.Time.  It's ridiculous.