Thursday, October 24, 2013

Finally something to blog about...

Wow, have I really not posted anything since August?  I don't really have a great excuse for the break except the fact that there hasn't really been anything to blog about...besides depression, which nobody wants to read about.

Don't get excited.  I don't really have much to share now either, but I can say that I will soon.  I know, the anticipation is killing you, right?  If you exist?  I'm sure I've lost most---if not all---of my followers by this point.

Well, last week, I finally met with a new RE.  I filled out tons of paperwork, tracked down my records, and the hubs and I drove into San Francisco for the consult.  For those of you that don't know, these consults are basically all the same (at least in my experience).  We sat in the waiting room bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, excited and nervous to meet the doctor that we hoped was going to make us parents at last.  When the doctor finally showed up (late, as usual, even though you never saw another patient leave), we followed him into his office to answer a million questions (the same ones that I just spent hours answering on the new patient paperwork that they didn't bother to read first).  It always depressing and uncomfortable to go through my history and answer that question that always makes me cring:  "Have you ever been pregnant?"  Nope. I'm that sad (infertile for no apparent reason) person that has never been pregnant.  Which I answered on your stupid form, doc.  Thanks for making me say it all over again, though.  And thank you for not even attempting to look sympathetic.

After the question-and-answer portion of the show was over,  the extra-fun ultrasound was next.  I just love pulling down my pants for a doctor I just met and then being introduced to something I am no stranger to---the dildo cam of course.  Luckily, he said that my uterus still looks good, and I had a lot of antral follicles, which is good.  Then, we went back to his office to discuss the fun part.  Our treatment plan.  We let the doc know that we just wanted to skip everything and go to IVF.  This isn't our first time at the rodeo, and I'm sick of waiting to be a mom.  One thing I did like is that the doctor made up a calendar right there in the office while we watched.  I didn't like that he didn't listen when I told him how long my cycles typically are, which meant his timing was off, but I figured that we could always tweak it later.

Unfortunately, the appointment only went down from there, and I spent the rest of it trying not to break down in the office (although, I'm sure that happens often in a place like that).  When I called this practice originally, I had been told that I would be able to go to a clinic in my city for everything but the retrieval and the transfer procedures.  Apparently, that was a lie.  I would only be able to go to the local office if the appointments happened to fall on the one day a week that the doctor travels to that office.  For those that don't know, the IVF cycle is unpredictable, especially near the end when you have to have ultrasounds every couple of days to determine when you are ready to trigger ovulation.  Timing is essential.  Especially since this would be my first cycle, and we don't know how I will respond to the medication.  It would be very difficult to get to the city for all of those appointments, especially because I would have to go by myself for most them, and the idea of driving through San Francisco gives me a panic attack.  Not to mention the costs and the drive-time.  The rest of the appointment was a blur through the tears starting to form as they laid out the costs (I definitely choked a little at them, although they weren't completely unexpected).

I guess I could have just given y'all the short version of the story.  But then ending is the same:  this just wasn't the right doctor, and I promised I wouldn't waste time if I didn't feel comfortable with the doctor this time.  So now I have found another practice and have a consultation set up for Tuesday.  This practice has a lot of doctors available and they have a new program that supposedly also allows me to get almost all of my care done near my home.  Plus, the main facility is much easier to drive to.  So wish me luck.  My goal is to be pregnant by the end of the year, so here's to hoping!