Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Passing on IVF...

So, I have been having nothing but problems with my doctor's office. They don't return calls, and when I do get ahold of someone, they make me feel like I'm stupid or that I'm bothering them or both. I figured it was not worth it to trust something so sacred to someone I don't trust completely or when I don't feel comfortable with the level of care I'm receiving. Besides, it seemed like all signs were pointing out that this was not the right thing for me right now. Because nothing has worked out smoothly, I was able to cancel my overseas medicine order because they hadn't even shipped them yet. 2 weeks later. So I guess it worked out in my favor. I should be getting a full refund.

For now, we will just concentrate on our move and pick things up again once we are settled. I don't want to start all over with another doctor, but it's worth it if I find someone I feel more comfortable with that also helps get me preggers!

Thank you for all your support :)

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Why do these things happen?

Tragedies like this make me wonder why I am trying so hard to bring another person into this world. It seems to get uglier every day. People are going to be afraid to ever leave their houses if these events keep happening. People gunned down while out to see a movie or shop at the mall, bombs exploding while you cheer for your loved one at the end of a marathon.

No words can express it.

My thoughts are with those affected by the Boston Marathon Bombing.

Friday, April 12, 2013

First crochet order filled!

Shipped my first order yesterday! Big thanks go out to my best friend for being my first customer! Put in my notice at work last last day will be May 10. That will be right before my IVF retrieval hopefully, and will allow me to prepare for our move without the extra stress of work. To help make up for the lost paycheck, I am selling my crochet wares. Looking at different ideas, so I am open to suggestions on what to sell since it is not exactly scarf weather for a lot of people.

Infinity Scarf in Burgundy

Scalloped Boot Cuffs in Charcoal and Aran Fleck

Monday, April 8, 2013


Sorry that I have been so out of touch lately. I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we are doing an IVF cycle next month and sort out my feelings about it. Here is what I'm feeling right now:

For those of you that are not going though the fertility journey, I'm sure that reading through some of this stuff makes your brain hurt. Well, all of the terms and abbreviations are second nature to those of us in the midst of it. Or so I thought. IVF is a whole new ball game, filled with new meds and terms. I have been researching it every free moment I have at work, and it seems like every answer I find only makes me think of a other question I have.

Oh my, I am nervous about everything as a rule. But this is on a new level. I'm nervous about the timing, nervous about the protocol Dr. M has chosen, nervous about emptying our savings and going into more debt over a procedure that is not a sure thing, nervous about taking a zillion shots that will not only bruise my bottom but also very possibly make me a raving hormonal lunatic, nervous that the meds won't work so they cancel the cycle, nervous the husband's sperm won't fertilize my eggs. What if it works? That brings on all kinds of different nerves that fertile women probably just skip to at this point.

This is a big one. I'm afraid that it won't work. This may be our only shot before just going back to the natural way. We cannot afford to do this more than once, at least not now. Yes, I know I am supposed to think positively here, but I am a habitually negative person. You can't just tell me to think of the glass as half full when I have convinced myself these past 28 years that the damn glass is half empty. Please do not insert some comment here that I have not gotten pregnant yet because I am not a positive person, or that half-empty glass may just go flying across the room. Sorry, that was a little dramatics but you get the idea.

This is an interesting feeling I am having. I never thought we would be going through IVF. I think it is a wonderful science, and I am happy for any person that has done it and had it result in a child. I am not conflicted for religious reasons or anything. I don't believe that whole camp that says if God wanted me to have a baby, then he would have blessed me with one naturally blah blah blah. No, that's definitely not it. I just don't like the idea that I wasn't able to do this on my own (well, with the husband's help, of course). It makes me feel like a bit of a failure, which I hate.

Here is a feeling I am used to having, since I am anxious about pretty much everything in my life. I am trying very hard to ignore this feeling since it certainly won't help in this process, and I need to give us the biggest chance for success that I can. I am crocheting up a storm now, which helps occupy my mind and lower my stress level. I am working on opening my own Etsy store to sell my wares, but not stressing about it since that would be counterproductive. I did post it on my Facebook page though, and am already filling orders for my friends. This keeps me busy and also will hopefully help raise the money for IVF.

So there it is in black and white. I feel like a little bit of a weight has been lifted from my chest having said those things out loud. Yes, I read my posts out loud to edit them. It's not weird.

Oh yeah, an update is needed as well. I started BCP on Friday to prepare for my IVF cycle. It is making me feel sick, which I remember from when I was younger and used to have to stay home from school the first day of every new pack of pills because of how sick they made me. Oh joy. I am trying to take them with food and at night to help with the side effects, and that seems to be working. My Menopur and Gonal-F have been ordered from and should hopefully ship this week. My IVF cycle should start at the end of the month. I will continue to update as the craziness continues.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

My bank account is weeping...

Well, I did it. I ordered my medicine for my upcoming IVF cycle. Charged up over $2000 on my credit card and then had a mini anxiety attack. I can't exactly back out now, I guess. Well, I could. But then, that money would all go to waste.

Unfortunately, I am having trouble getting through to my doctors office now. This is not exactly encouraging considering the fact that I am heading into entirely new, scary territory now. They were supposed to call in a prescription for birth control pills, but still haven't. I'm now on CD4 and assume I should have started on CD1. Hopefully this doesn't mess anything up because this is our one and only shot at IVF unless I win the lottery or find a rich relative I never knew existed.

On top of all this, we are now moving in like 8 weeks. So I need to find a place to live in California and pack up our house in Washington.

Did I mention that I am panicking over here? At a time when I should not be stressing at all?

UPDATE: Dr. M finally called me last night.  He is finally calling in my birth control pills, and told me to call him once I finish them and my period starts.  Then I will go in for a baseline ultrasound and talk about all the lovely shots my husband will have to give me to prepare for retrieval.  I also found out that I need to order yet another prescription from, so there goes another $600.  I just have to keep reminding myself that if this does get me a healthy baby, I would pay and do anything.