Wednesday, January 29, 2014

8 weeks

Today was amazing.  I was so nervous about our appointment at the RE because I was afraid that they would tell me that he/she had stopped growing or something else terrible.  Surprisingly (to me), everything was perfect.  Baby is measuring exactly 8 weeks today.  Heartrate was 167 bpm.  We didn't get to see any movement, but it was so wonderful to actually see something.  The husband and I were so excited that we decided to go ahead and do the ol' Facebook post.  I guess that makes it official.  Hopefully that doesn't bite me in the ass!  I always figured I would announce early, though, since I didn't want to have to hide it later if something happened.  I didn't want to have to explain things.  This way, people can share in the good news and hopefully will send me some hand-me-down baby things! haha

How far along: 8 weeks

Size of baby: Raspberry

Physical symptoms: Same as before.  I pretty much still spend the whole day alternating between being starving and nauseous.  No vomiting yet.  Bloating is better than before, but gets worse at night.  So at night, it looks like I am showing even though it is still so early.

Weight gain/loss: Still up about a pound.

Maternity clothes: I pretty much have lived in sweats the past

Stretch marks: Only on my boobies

Sleep: Sleep is pretty much crap now.  I toss and turn and have crazy ass dreams all night, plus I pee like every 2-3 hours.

Best moment since last week: Our ultrasound this morning.  Seeing and hearing that heartbeat still takes my breath away.  I was so afraid they wouldn't find anything today, and there he/she was.

Movement: Way too early.

Cravings/Aversions:  No real cravings, although I tend to lean toward food that is bad for me.  I know, big surprise.  Why can't I crave salad?  As far as aversions go, I'm having a little trouble with meat, especially chicken, which I usually eat all the time.  I cannot handle raw chicken at all and leftover chicken makes me feel like throwing up.

Gender: Still dreaming about baby girls.  Husband is convinced it's a boy.

Labor signs: Way too early!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss:  Normal sleep, feeling like myself

What I am looking forward to:  Our first OB appointment next month!

On a separate best friend had her son this past weekend.   She had to have an emergency c-section, and he was born small, but luckily he is thriving and is just beautiful.  She is being released from the hospital today, and I know it is hard that she has to leave him behind at the hospital.  So please keep them in your thoughts (and prayers if you go for that sort of thing).  Thanks!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

7 weeks!

How far along: 7 weeks

Size of baby: Blueberry

Physical symptoms: Boobies are still sore, and they are getting even larger.  As far as morning sickness goes, I now have nausea pretty much all day, even though I haven't actually thrown up.  To be more accurate, I alternate between nausea and being starving.  Sometimes I can't even tell the difference.  No, I am not complaining, because I know that morning all-day sickness means the baby is still in there.

Weight gain/loss: I think I'm up about a pound now.  It's hard to tell, though, since I can't tell the difference between IVF bloat and pregnancy bloat anymore.

Maternity clothes: I went maternity shopping with my best friend (who is ready to pop), and bought 2 pairs of work pants and an adorable shirt.  My BFF also gave me a ton of hand-me-down maternity clothes, which is awesome.  I can actually wear almost everything now with plenty of room to grow.  And the pants are actually adorable! (plus, I love how the stretchy panel holds everything in.  No more love handles haha!

Stretch marks: Not yet

Sleep: I still fall asleep pretty quick, but I am now waking up 2-3 times a night to pee.  The dreams are getting weirder and more vivid, which also keeps me from sleeping very soundly.

Best moment since last week: Well, as odd as it sounds, the morning sickness showing up.  I feel like it is proof that something is going on inside of me, even if it isn't a whole lot of fun.

Movement: Way too early.

Cravings:  I think it's still early for craving, although I begged the husband to bring me ice cream yesterday after work.  I don't know that it was a craving---I'm pretty sure I'm just a fat ass.

Gender: Still way too early, but I am so eager to find out!  (I did have an amazing dream about having a baby girl)

Labor signs: Way too early!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss: Margaritas, cold lunchmeat, a normal appetite.

What I am looking forward to:  Our 8-week ultrasound next week!

Thursday, January 16, 2014


Well, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and start tracking how things are progressing.  Sorry if you think this is cliche, but this blog is like a journal, and I would love to be able to look back on this later and remember what was going on.  So here goes...

How far along: 6w1d

Size of baby: sweet pea

Physical symptoms: sore boobies, some nausea, weird pain in my rib cage, exhaustion

Weight gain/loss: I actually lost 2 lbs, because my body is still adjusting after IVF and trying to get back to normal.

Maternity clothes: I actually bought maternity leggings because all my regular ones cut into my tummy.  I do have to use the rubber band trick on most of my pants, and I definitely have to wear baggy clothes or else people think I'm 3 months pregnant already!

Stretch marks: Not yet

Sleep: I fall asleep fast, but I wake up a lot to pee during the night and also because I have some weird-ass dreams.  I toss and turn a lot due to being uncomfortable.

Best moment since last week: Our first ultrasound yesterday!  We got to see and hear the heartbeat, which was amazing.

Movement: Way too early.

Cravings: Not yet.  I'm hungry all the time though, and almost everything sounds good.  I do really want a cold turkey sandwich, but that is probably just because I'm trying to stay away from lunchmeat for the most part, so I just want what I can't have.

Gender: Still way too early.

Labor signs: Way too early!

Belly button:  Innie

What I miss: Alcohol!  I know that sounds awful, but a margarita just sounds so awesome to me all the time, and a virgin just doesn't cut it.

What I am looking forward to:  Our next ultrasound in 2 weeks :)

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

We have a heartbeat!

Today I am officially 6 weeks pregnant, and we had our first ultrasound with the RE.  I was nervous about what to expect since it is still so early, but luckily they have great equipment.  We were able to see our baby and its perfect little heart beating.  Seeing that was the most amazing thing I've ever seen...and hearing the heartbeat was the best sound.  It looks like the baby is measuring 5w6d, which is just a day behind.  And the heartbeat was 104 bpm.  I thought that sounded low based on what everyone else always reports...until the doctor reminded me that the heart didn't even start beating until a couple of days ago, so it is still warming up.  Besides, we are so lucky to have heard anything this early.  Most pregnant women don't get to hear the heartbeat until 8 or 9 weeks when they have their first ultrasound.

I feel like I was finally able to let out the breath I had been holding since we first got our positive test.  This really worked.  I'm shocked, to be honest.  I know I was spouting all this positivity, but it was mainly all for show.  I was pretty sure that this would not work the first IVF cycle.  I am so thankful that I was proven wrong.

Things feel more real now.  But I still feel like a fraud.  I lurk through baby stores and sneak around the maternity department, convinced that people are looking at me wondering what the hell I am doing there.  And I am having trouble finding where I belong with this.  I may be pregnant, but I still think like an infertile.  I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I tried joining a couple of pregnancy forums, and instantly went to the Birth Month section so that I could talk to other women going through the same things as me.  Except they aren't.  Okay, that's not fair.  They are going through the same thing, technically.  But most of them talk about basically just looking at their husband and getting pregnant....or they are on their 3rd or 4th kid already.  They have flat stomachs that they are showing off, looking for a bump that hasn't formed yet---I am trying to hide the fact that I already look 3 months pregnant most days because of the bloat left over from the IVF and the fact that my ovaries are still quite enlarged.  And I am so happy about this pregnancy, but I am also scared.  Like all the time.  When will that pass?  When I am out of the first trimester?  The second?  Or not until my baby is in my arms?  I just want to be a normal person that is excited about her first pregnancy, basking in that glow that everyone talks about.

Okay, end of vent.  I just had to get those feelings out before I exploded.

On another note, the nausea kicked in for real today.  I didn't actually throw up, but I did have to choke down some saltines first thing this morning to avoid it.  Yet, even though I'm nauseous, I am also starving.  Like All.The.Time.  It's ridiculous.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Why does time move so slowly?

I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting my first ultrasound this week.  Wednesday cannot get here fast enough.

Currently, the only symptom I have is sore boobies.  I have felt a tad bit of nausea both last night and this morning, but I'm honestly not sure if it is in my head or not since I've been waiting for it to show up.  Who thought I would ever look forward to getting sick?

Nobody better throw that line back at me when it really does kick in and I'm miserably hugging the toilet all day.

5w5d...I seriously have to wait 40 weeks to meet this kid?!  Torture.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Not a whole lot going on over here...

As the title states, there's not much going on right now.  My last interaction with my doctor's office was a call the day after my 2nd beta last week.  My case manager called to let me know that my progesterone and estradiol numbers were well above the standard they hope for, so I was able to stop the estrace and endometrin supplements (yay!).  So now I am only taking my daily prenatal vitamin and low-dose aspirin, which I will continue until after my first ultrasound and the doctor gives me the OK.

Symptoms?  I definitely feel different, but the symptoms are so far from what I expected that everything worries me.  So far, I have experienced awful cramping on and off throughout the day and night---although it is less frequent since stopping the supplements.  My boobs are enlarged and sore (last night I woke up to pee and almost cried out because my boobs hurt so bad).  And they have lovely blue veins running through them.  I started getting small bouts of chest tightness/shortness of breath the a couple of nights ago.  It made me panic, which of course only made it worse.  From what I've read, it is normal and most likely caused by the rise in hormones.  I'll have to check with the doc if it continues.  I get up to pee like 2-3 times a night, which is totally not normal for me.  Oh, and I don't sleep.  Well, not comfortably or in long stretches.

No real morning sickness yet, but it's still early.  I had a little nausea today, but nothing extreme.  Until that happens, I don't really believe I'm pregnant.  Who am I kidding?  I won't believe I'm pregnant until I actually am in the stirrups in the delivery room.

By my calculations, I am currently 4w5d pregnant today.  First ultrasound is next week.  Don't know what to expect, as some people seem to see something that early, and some people don't.  I'll be holding my breath at least until I hear a heartbeat.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Thank you!

I just wanted to say thank you for the outpouring of support you have all shown me the last few days.  It is more than I expected, and more than I'm sure I deserve.  So thank you!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The results are in...

Beta #1 (12/31/13): 169
Beta #2 (1/02/14): 383!

We're pregnant!

I'm still a little in shock, to be honest.  Sorry for the delay in posting, but we wanted to wait a few days to let the news sink in.

Looks like a viable pregnancy so far.  It is officially the first for me, so I have no idea what to expect from here.  I feel like a fraud, like I shouldn't be telling people.  Like everyone is judging our decision to share the news so early, because, What If?  I decided I can't live my life that way, and even if this is as far as things go, I wanted others to share in our joy that we have waited so long for.  It has been 5 long years of pain, suffering, frustration, and treatments.  I have waited my whole life to see those 2 lines on the damn HPT that mocked me for so long.

We are only sharing the news with close friends and family for now, so if you know me in real life, please do not share this info with anyone or post anything on FB.

Symptoms so far?  I am cramping like a mother-f***er!  Everyone says it is normal, especially after IVF, since my ovaries are still enlarged and my uterus is starting to expand.  But damn, is it uncomfortable!  I know, I am such a baby.  And I definitely shouldn't be complaining.  I've waited my whole life for cramps like these.  But they worry me.

Who am I kidding?  Everything worries me.

**For those reading this that are struggling with infertility, please know that I completely understand if you hate me for this post.  I have been there.  I even understand if you stop reading now.  Been there too.  But I hope that this can provide some sort of hope for everyone.

Wow, I hope this post didn't jinx things...

Thank you for all of your kind comments and support.  I could not have made it this far without you, and I am so grateful to have this community!