Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Not great at the whole "relaxed" approach to TTC...

As I stated in my last post, we are currently not doing any fertility treatments.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  The first is obviously because we just relocated and it takes time to get insurance switched over and find the right doctor.  Another reason is that I felt horribly a little traumatized by my past doctor experience.  I read through so many other blogs written by women going through a similar journey, except they have doctors that they love.  Doctors that take the time to explain things and hold them while they cry and generally just make them feel comfortable with something that is incredibly sensitive and uncomfortable by design.  You would think that would be standard with doctors that have chosen this field, but unfortunately, it is not.  So this time I will not waste time and money on someone that doesn't make me feel good about the whole process.

While we are not currently seeking treatment, that doesn't mean we don't still want a baby as much as ever.  It's really difficult because we had started the steps into our first IVF cycle in April, which really got our hopes up.  We finally could really imagine that this might actually happen for us.  But then we cancelled it, and that was devastating to me.  Although I know we made the right choice because the whole thing just didn't feel right at that time, it still hurt.  We got so close to the finish just to go back to the starting line.  For now, we are just doing things the old-fashioned way.  Our love life got so clinical, so we are working on that.  I'm not taking my temps or anything like that this time, but I am using OPK's.  I tried to do it on the sly so that the husband didn't really notice, because I wanted this time to be about us, not the TTC process.  But, he has been at this as long as me, and figured it out.  It hasn't really affected things, so I guess it is better that he knows.  And obviously, I am not nearly as sneaky as I thought I was!

Right now, I am on CD 14.  No smiley face yet, so I most likely missed my surge.  It's okay, it was just a guideline for me anyway.  But it would have been nice to see that damn stick smiling back at me.  Oh well, I will pee on that stick one more time today and then just chalk it up to bad timing if the bitch gives me an  empty circle again.

I'll keep you updated :)

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean. Even when on a break, I couldn't break free from testing/monitoring/wondering/worrying... It's a part of us that we just can't shut off. But hopefully the break has overall been good for you.