Sunday, August 11, 2013

The loneliness of an infertile...

I think that one of the most difficult parts of being infertile is making and keeping friends.  Please tell me I am not the only one with this problem!

As a military wife, I move a lot.  Which makes it difficult enough to find friends, especially for an introvert like myself.  When I do find great friends, I then have to move away, or vice versa, which means I have to start all over again.  Not fun.

Now when you throw my infertility into the mix, it is even more difficult!  It is hard to make friends with people that already have kids.  I hate to say that, but it is true.  Not only do I not have much in common with them, but I think I make them uncomfortable.  They wonder why I don't have kids myself at this age, or they find out that I am infertile, and they don't know what to say.

Let's face it.  Nobody ever knows what to say.  Even the friends I do have already are at a loss, I'm sure.  I'm at a loss.  Nobody wants to be around a sad-sack that is obsessed with having a child.  Especially if that person has kids or is pregnant.  Infertility is a disease, and they don't want to catch it.

It is such a lonely time for me.  Even when I find support from infertility groups, I then find myself getting jealous when one of the other infertiles gets pregnant.  Yes, I am happy for them.  But then they graduate out of the group, and I am left behind.  Once they have the baby, of course they still remember being infertile.  And they want to still support you.  But they also are happy being moms and don't want to think about those things all the time.  They don't want to feel that they have to censor themselves around me, as in not talking about their pregnancy or their kids.  Many of them have "survivor's guilt" because they have succeeded and I have not.  I get it.  I wouldn't want to hang around either.

I guess I can only hope that someday, I will have my chance to annoy people with pictures of my ultrasounds, my kids sleeping, etc.  I can't wait to annoy people with those things.

1 comment:

  1. I hear ya. For the one week I knew I was pregnant I felt that guilt. Of course it all went away and I got to join the miscarriage club. I don't think we ever win.