Ovulation confirmed!

Just got a call from Dr. M with confirmation that I ovulated according to the serum progesterone test I had done yesterday. Yay! Now just waiting around to test. We decided that the husband will go freeze his sperm this week just in case, so I will wait a few more days before testing. I'm still not experiencing any side effects from the progesterone suppositories, which is good. It does cause an orangish colored discharge though, and makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but I can live with that. I'm kind of nervous about getting a yeast infection from the pill, so I'm constantly thinking about it. No bueno, but I can deal. Especially if it ends up helping to get me preggers. The doctor said I should keep taking them and call the office when I get a positive HPT or when my period starts, whichever comes first. So we are in for a looooong weekend!

Yet another 2ww...

Well, our computer has officially taken a dive, so it is much harder to write my blog. What's worse is that all my favorite blogs are bookmarked on said computer, so I am not able to read them as much as I would like. I really wanted to participate in ICLW this month, but I will have to wait until I have my computer back I think. The iPad pas been a great tool but is still not a replacement for my laptop!

Anyway.... Not much is going on around here. I've been sick the past few days, so I guess I have the husband to thank for passing his germs along. I am now 4 dpiui (days post IUI), and have been taking 100mg progesterone suppositories for the past 3 nights. No side effects so far, which is great. Weird orangish discharge since the pills are orange, but oh well. I've definitely been through worse.

Trying to relax and take this cycle one day at a time. Feeling anxious though because the husband will be leaving soon for Recruiter School, and then we will be moving soon after he gets back. We may not even know if this cycle worked until after he leaves, but I think we are going to freeze his stuff just in case so I can still do an IUI when he's gone if we need to. I hate that because it makes me think we are not being positive about this cycle, but I gotta prepare for the future. I am NOT leaving Washington state without a fetus growing inside of me!

Send us sticky baby vibes please! Xoxo

A blog post to end a very long day...

I have to say that today was my 4th IUI...therefore, I expected it to be a piece of cake. No big deal, I take a long lunch and fit in a little insemination with my cheeseburger. Nope. I'm not even gonna lie, that shit hurt. Seriously. Ouch.

This was my first IUI with Dr. M and I know everyone has their own way of doing things. The procedure itself was actually less painful than the others I have had, which I thought was a good sign. Yes, it was a little weird when he left the speculum in me while he left the too, to go get the specimen. And while it was a nice gesture to warm up the lube and turn up the heat in the room, it got a little uncomfortable. With my previous IUIs, I got up pretty much right after and got dressed and left...which is why I was so surprised when Dr. M told me to roll over onto my stomach and stay there for 30 minutes. What?? I'm on my lunch break fool!

Anyway, I laid there writhing in pain for 30 minutes (okay, 25 minutes because I couldn't stand anymore). Yes, I said writhing. Seriously, the cramps were horrendous, like nothing I have ever experienced. Really makes me look forward to childbirth haha. Luckily, they died down after 25 minutes or so and I got dressed and left. On the way out, the doc also gave me a prescription for progesterone (which I do not get to take by mouth if you were thinking that I was that lucky by the way) along with instructions to come in for a progesterone serum test on Monday blah blah blah. I stopped for some Tylenol on the way back to work and finished out my shift. All in all, it has been a long day and I am exhausted. But I know that I won't even remember the exhaustion or the pain once I get that positive HPT. Then it will all have been worth it. For now, though, I will take Tylenol and nurse my sensitive, painful, exhausted ovaries.

Goodnight xoxo

4th IUI...

Had another appointment with Dr. M yesterday morning. We had to do another post-coital test to see if an IUI would be necessary. Good news is, the Menopur did help with my CM. I didn't notice any difference, but the doctor said that it was really helping the little guys swim. However, the results still showed some problems with abnormal sperm, which is not great for our chances. It only takes one though!

Based on these observations, Dr. M suggested we abstain yesterday afternoon and do an IUI today. I expressed my concerns about this since I got my positive OPK on Sunday morning, but he said it can still up our chances. This will be our 4th IUI, so this isn't my first rodeo. Previously, we've always done it the day after a trigger shot, and obviously it hasn't worked. The doctor explained that most women release an egg 24-48 hrs after getting a positive OPK, but then the egg is viable for about 24 hours after it is released. We have always tried to catch the egg before it dropped, so now we will try to catch it on its way out I guess. It may be a waste, but I know it at least cant hurt, and each cycle we get closer to IVF. So you better believe I will do what I can to make the magic happen before that is necessary!

So now I am getting ready for work and planning out how to tell my boss that I have to leave early to get inseminated....maybe I will choose different words haha! Luckily, I work with all women, and I "came out" to them about my infertility struggles a while ago, so I don't expect it will be too awkward. Please cross your fingers, toes, and Fallopian tubes for us!

Xoxo

A better day...

Today was a much better day. I decided to take an OPK before my appointment just in case, even though I usually don't get positives until late afternoon. Color me surprised when I got a smiley face on my little ClearBlue Easy digital OPK! I ran to the other room to tell the husband that we got a smiley face...and of course he knew what that meant because he knows waaaaay too much about this stuff.

This put me in a much better mood going into my appointment with Dr. M this morning. We did a followup U/S and the two dominant follies matured even more, and measured about 19 and 21. And because I got a positive on the OPK, I didn't have to do a stupid trigger shot. Yay! Plus, I don't have to do any more shots. Score for my bum! The doctor does want me to come in tomorrow morning for another post-coital test, which I hate. However, the Menopur did not seem to help with my CM like we hoped, so it's probably a good idea. I asked if it would be too late to do an IUI I'd the test doesn't show great news, and he said no, that we could do one the next day if necessary. Lets hope it's not necessary, but I wanna do what is needed to make this cycle work. Otherwise, the husband will have to freeze some of his magic so I can use it when he is gone next month.

Thank you all for your kind words and for sticking with me through my pity party the other day. I'll keep you posted as this cycle progresses :)

Followup U/S

Yesterday was my followup ultrasound to see how the Menopur was working.  So yes, that meant another date with the dildo cam.  Such a charmer, that one.

Dr. M, as usual, was in "mad scientist" mode.  I could barely get a word in.  He did, however, point out that my lining looks good, and found two dominant follicles in my right ovary that measured like 16 and 18 inches.  According to him, they should be fully matured by Sunday, when I will be going in for yet another ultrasound.  He said to use OPK's starting today (even though I actually started yesterday because I always ovulate early on meds).  If I don't get my LH surge, then I will need to do an HCG trigger shot to force the eggs to release.  Hopefully I don't need that shot because it's going to cost extra money and I'm not even sure when and where I can fill it.  He said he faxed off a prescription to Walgreens in TX because the local ones wouldn't have it.  But then he didn't mention how exactly I would be getting it here....and he was talking so fast that I didn't get a chance to ask more.  Is that where their corporate office is and then a local one will call me?  Do I need to find a location and fill it?  No clue as usual when it comes to this doctor.  He's supposed to be brilliant, and he better be.  Because I am at my breaking point here.

After my appointment, I cried all the way home in the car.  I don't even know why exactly.  Could be the hormones finally hitting me and making me an emotional mess.  Could be the fact that it's been so long since we started trying that some of my friends are already planning for their second or third kids while we are still waiting on our first.  Could be that I get overwhelmed by my doctor and I hate that I don't have the balls to just cut him off and ask him to explain himself better because I am afraid of looking stupid.  Could be the fact that the doctor mentioned again that he saw signs of endometriosis...when I just went through surgery in September to rule that out and was told my the stupid military doctors that they didn't see any signs of it.  Could be that I am afraid this cycle will just end in depression like all the others, and that we are running out of time before we leave Washington and have to find yet another doctor to prod at me.  Could be that my birthday is coming up.  I will be 28.  I know that isn't old in today's fertility standards, but I always said when I was younger that I wanted to have all my kids before I was 30.  Now I may not even have one before that.  

Could be I am just having a pity party for myself. <------------- Yeah, that is probably it.

So I came home from the appointment and was bitchy and took it out on the dog and the husband because I am a horrible person.  I then had to apologize and of course the husband was understanding because he is a much better person than me and I do not deserve him at times like that.  That's when I remembered that I forgot to ask Dr. M whether I needed to keep taking the Menopur shots or not.  I couldn't reach him so we decided to do the shot since he didn't tell me NOT to do it, and originally had said I should be taking them for 10 days.  Last night was day number 6, and my bum is not happy about it.  Let's hope this is the magical cycle and my bum can get a rest.

End of rant :)

Ouch!

Note to self: Menopur shots hurt so much more in my right cheek! At least now I know it wasn't just the nurse's fault. My left cheek must be missing a nerve or something haha!

That's all, just a random thought for the day.

Just a prick...

First shot of Menopur down, 9 more to go. Actually wasn't as bad as I expected. I should give credit to the husband for that because he didn't flinch at all and because of him, my bum doesn't hurt too much right now.

In other news, I became a hypocrite and got an iPad Mini today. The husband wanted to get me a tablet for my birthday, so I went into research hyperdrive this weekend trying to figure out what I wanted. This isn't an advertisement and I'm not a techie, so I won't go into details about what I was considering. But I will say that I am usually against Apple products because of all the hype that surrounds them and the fact that I think a lot of it is overpriced. However, I caved today. The Mini just had everything I wanted and more and we saved some money by buying it on post at the PX. So now I am really testing it out by writing a blog post from it. Not bad at all.

I will keep you all posted as my Menopur cycle continues...let's hope I don't get any crazy side effects.

Please keep reading and following me. Don't be shy :)

Stick it to me...

After our hiatus last month, the husband and I are moving on to the wonderful (we hope) world of injectables this cycle.

Yesterday was CD3 and I went to see Dr. M for my baseline ultrasound.  Many of us infertiles refer to it as the "dildo cam" because it is an internal ultrasound.  What can be worse than having the doctor do an internal ultrasound while your husband is sitting right next to you?  Having one done while you're still on your period. I guess I should be used to just throwing all modesty out the window at this point anyway, right?  Wrong.  Still embarrassing.

The baseline ultrasound is used to make sure that everything is in working order and that there aren't any cysts before starting a new medication.  This was the first one I have had done with Dr. M and it was much different from the appointments I used to have with the clinic on post.  For one thing, he actually had a screen near my head so that I could see what he was looking at.  To be honest, most of it just looked like shadows to me, but he tried to point out the uterus and the ovaries, and you can even see all of the potential follicles hanging around.  The only concerning part was when he pointed to a strip that he said looked like possible endometriosis...which I didn't understand because I just had a laparoscopy in September to rule out endo.  But the doctor didn't concentrate on that, so maybe I heard him wrong or he just wasn't that concerned.  He did point out that my lining looks great and showed "all the great places for a baby to grow."  He is so odd, but sometimes says the nicest or funniest things.

After the ultrasound, the nurse gave us (the husband) a lesson in giving me the shots.  Now, I thought that Menopur would be given subcutaneously (subQ), since that is what is on the box.  I had read the instructions and was all prepared to do a little subQ shot in my abdomen.  But no, the doctor actually wants us to do intramuscular (IM) shots.  So I had to lay back down on the table and get a practice shot in my bum.  Yup, in my bum.  Not fun, let me tell you.  That practice shot was just saline, and my bum hurt the rest of the evening.  And, it was given by a trained nurse.  So, how will it feel when it is full of hormones and is being given by a slightly-but-not-really trained husband?  Let's hope I am just being a wimp.  And that this same husband is not turned off by my bruised ass at the end of this.  After the appointment, we headed to Target to fill a prescription for the syringes and also picked up alcohol wipes, cotton balls, and bandaids.

Ah, the romance of TTC!

So the plan is that I do the injections once a day for 10 days starting CD5, which is tomorrow.  I go in on CD10 for an ultrasound again to make sure that the medicine is doin its thang and that my ovaries are not overstimulated, which is bad.  I also have to do another post-coital test this cycle to decide whether we need to do an IUI or if we can stick to timed intercourse.  The Menopur should make my CM "really flow" as the doctor put it, so hopefully that will solve one of the biggest problems we have and let us stick to timed intercourse.  Or, if there are a lot of follicles maturing, we may need to switch to an IVF cycle to avoid having too many eggs be fertilized.  I do not want to risk the danger of carrying multiples (we're talking like 5-6 babies here...I would be fine with twins and would even risk triplets if it came down to that.  But carrying more than that is just dangerous).

So that is the plan, and I will keep you updated as we go.

Back from my hiatus...

I would like to thank you for your kind words and condolences about my mother in law.  The husband and I and his family are healing one day at a time.  We found out where we will be stationed in California, and it is only about an hour and a half from most of our family.  Even though where we are moving is not exactly a place I would EVER choose to live, the most important thing is that we will be close so that we can help my father in law during this time and so we can both see our families.  When we do finally get to have a child of our own, it will be nice that they can at least spend the first couple years of their life around family, which we never thought would be possible as long as the husband remained in the Army.

Last month, I had this small hope that we would get pregnant on our own.  A friend at work put it like this: "Sometimes when one angel leaves, another takes its place."  I thought that was a beautiful thought.  That maybe something wonderful could come from such a sad time.  That maybe it would be one last gift from my thoughtful mother in law, someone who wanted us to have a child almost as  badly as we do.  It may seem odd that I held onto a hope like this considering I don't know what I believe in...but believe it I did.  Of course, that did not happen, but I will discuss it in my next post.