Dr. M, as usual, was in "mad scientist" mode. I could barely get a word in. He did, however, point out that my lining looks good, and found two dominant follicles in my right ovary that measured like 16 and 18 inches. According to him, they should be fully matured by Sunday, when I will be going in for yet another ultrasound. He said to use OPK's starting today (even though I actually started yesterday because I always ovulate early on meds). If I don't get my LH surge, then I will need to do an HCG trigger shot to force the eggs to release. Hopefully I don't need that shot because it's going to cost extra money and I'm not even sure when and where I can fill it. He said he faxed off a prescription to Walgreens in TX because the local ones wouldn't have it. But then he didn't mention how exactly I would be getting it here....and he was talking so fast that I didn't get a chance to ask more. Is that where their corporate office is and then a local one will call me? Do I need to find a location and fill it? No clue as usual when it comes to this doctor. He's supposed to be brilliant, and he better be. Because I am at my breaking point here.
After my appointment, I cried all the way home in the car. I don't even know why exactly. Could be the hormones finally hitting me and making me an emotional mess. Could be the fact that it's been so long since we started trying that some of my friends are already planning for their second or third kids while we are still waiting on our first. Could be that I get overwhelmed by my doctor and I hate that I don't have the balls to just cut him off and ask him to explain himself better because I am afraid of looking stupid. Could be the fact that the doctor mentioned again that he saw signs of endometriosis...when I just went through surgery in September to rule that out and was told my the stupid military doctors that they didn't see any signs of it. Could be that I am afraid this cycle will just end in depression like all the others, and that we are running out of time before we leave Washington and have to find yet another doctor to prod at me. Could be that my birthday is coming up. I will be 28. I know that isn't old in today's fertility standards, but I always said when I was younger that I wanted to have all my kids before I was 30. Now I may not even have one before that.
Could be I am just having a pity party for myself. <------------- Yeah, that is probably it.
So I came home from the appointment and was bitchy and took it out on the dog and the husband because I am a horrible person. I then had to apologize and of course the husband was understanding because he is a much better person than me and I do not deserve him at times like that. That's when I remembered that I forgot to ask Dr. M whether I needed to keep taking the Menopur shots or not. I couldn't reach him so we decided to do the shot since he didn't tell me NOT to do it, and originally had said I should be taking them for 10 days. Last night was day number 6, and my bum is not happy about it. Let's hope this is the magical cycle and my bum can get a rest.
End of rant :)
Awww Steph. ((Hugs)) the roller coaster of emotions and fertility drugs are NO fun. Did the clinic on post give you pictures from your lap? When I did OFF I got my trigger shot right from the clinic and they charged me for it.
ReplyDeleteI always still kind of feel in the dark when it comes to all this and listening to the directions by the nurses for what to do. I don't want to look dumb by asking them to explain it again, so I am usually a little confused.
ReplyDeleteLike, when I was told I was ovulating early and we had to cancel our IUI Sat and just do TI Thursday with an IUI Friday, the nurse told me to "trigger today" because she thought I was already about to ovulate. (I was supposed to trigger that night between 6 and 8pm) I was confused when I got off the phone: Am I supposed to do it this afternoon on my lunch break? Wait until 5 when I got home? The next few days after I was worried I triggered too early and misunderstood her. I clarified it with the nurse when I did my IUI friday, but still.
I hate being confused about all this. I think I went into this with the expectation that everything would be explained crystal-clear.
Also, I'm 27 too. I want to punch people when they tell me that "I'm still young, it will happen." Um no, a-hole, I've been at this for 4 years. Trust me, it's not going to happen without science.
Hugs to you. The emotions are hard.
Thanks ladies for the support. I got a positive OPK this morning, so hopefully I won't need to trigger. I've got ny followup u/s today so I will ask him then.
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