Sunday, December 22, 2013

Should I have told everyone or kept it to myself?

We have had the most awesome outpouring of support from our family and friends during the IVF process.  They have supported us financially by buying my crocheted goods from my Etsy store.  My mom even donated money to us to help because she is just that kind of mom.  And everyone asks how we are doing and tells us how excited they are every time we get together.

The problem is, I am kind of regretting telling everyone.

Please don't misunderstand.  The support is incredible, and having people to talk to about the process has helped a lot.  They even ask all the nitty gritty details, which I actually love to talk about.  But now, I feel like we will be letting down so many people if this doesn't work.  Those that don't live in the infertile world don't understand that IVF is not a sure thing.  They don't follow blogs that are filled with stories of loss and sadness.  That tell stories of people having to do numerous IVF cycles before getting their bundle of joy.  And although I try to stay positive, I also know the real statistics.  That although my clinic has a 76% success rate, that means 24% of cycles fail.

Now everyone knows the timeline we are on for this cycle.  They know when to expect good or bad news...except they are all expecting good news.  It's science! How could it not work, right?  I don't want to let anyone down...

Sorry for sounding like a Negative Nancy.  I just had to get those thoughts out so that I can focus on only thinking positive thoughts about our transfer tomorrow.

13 comments:

  1. Hi, I've just come upon your blog but I wanted to let you know that I 100% identify with this post. I just completed my first IVF cycle and we told a LOT of people. I was happy for the support but struggled with the same issue. In the end, I found that most folks tend to stay away from asking how it turned out (whether the news is good or bad) until you bring it up with them. That was a bit of a relief to me.

    I have my fingers crossed hard for you for tomorrow. I truly hope you get your Christmas miracle :-) Best of luck!!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! It's great to hear I'm not the only one that feels this way. My husband figured the same thing---that people won't bring it up if I don't. And I just checked out your blog. Congrats on your success!

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  2. We haven't told very many people but I am also feeling the same way. Even though there's maybe only 10 people that know that's a lot of bad news to share. I also understand wanting to be positive but balancing it with realism. It's a hard line to walk. Wishing you success and good news!

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    1. I originally decided to tell people so that they might understand how serious this all is, and so that I would have a support system if it failed. I didn't realize that I would feel this pressure. Thank you!

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  3. Best of luck to you! I am new to the IF-blog world and I am so glad to find other women going through this. We will move to IVF if this IUI#4 fails. I am scared about it so appreciate reading your reports of each step. Our parents and very closest friends know that we're getting IF treatments and that IVF will be our next step, but not the timing or anything. FX for you that all goes well!

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    1. Welcome to the community! Reading through other IF blogs made me feel less alone. Plus, you get the inside scoop that the docs don't tell you!

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  4. Hi Steph! It's my first time here and I just had to say, I completely understand. In fact, I blogged about this last week. My blog is public so some days it feels like literally every person knows that we are starting IVF this week. While the encouragement, love, and prayers are amazing, there is a ton of pressure and a complete loss of privacy. It's really tough! I'm hoping that your friends and family can support you through the journey no matter what! Wishing you the very best on your transfer today!!!

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    1. Hi Amanda, and welcome! Thank you so much :)

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  5. We will support you through this no matter what the outcome. Your fears are real and validated and we are only here to support you and love you. :)

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    1. You have been a huge support throughout all of this, thank you!

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  6. Oh man. I feel you. We're not at IVF yet (we're still doing IUIs) but I can really relate. We'd taken a pretty long break before this cycle, so to get back into the swing of things I asked a few close friends to pray for us and my mom knew. But then two other friends randomly checked in on us so I told them both where we were holding. Today, we received a BFN from the RE. Brutal. I'm sure everyone will be well meaning, but it REALLY sucked to think about telling them while I reacted to the news.
    ..now who's the negative nancy?
    I'm kind of new to the IF blog world but your posts are really helpful to me. Really, really pulling for you!

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    1. Sorry about your recent BFN. They always hurt. Hopefully the new year will bring better things for us both! Thanks for reading :)

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  7. Yes! I have felt like this many times! I reach out for the support and then I feel guilty because I don't know if it's going to work.

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