So many thoughts, so little time...

I finally got a call from my doctor today.  As usual, the conversation was quick and confusing...and I had to ask him to repeat things several times because he is so awkward on the phone and in giving information.  He said that he had just faxed some sort of pre-authorization form to Tricare and that I should be able to get my authorization so that I can pick up the Menopur on Monday.  Then he wanted me to come in on CD 5, which is Monday, to do an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay.  If it is, then I will start my injections. Here is the problem...I don't know if the husband will be home in time to make this cycle work.  He is still with his family, and I want him to stay there as long as he needs/wants to.  So, here is my dilemma...should I start the injections or not?  I am thinking not since I don't want to waste them and I don't want the husband to feel extra stress if he doesn't make it home in time.  On the other hand, we are in a time crunch since we won't be in Washington that much longer and I don't want to start over with yet another doctor wherever we end up.

Last night, the husband mentioned doing IVF in February.  He said to just get the medicine and then hold off until next month.  I knew we were headed toward IVF, but that scares me.  Also, we don't know what is going to happen with his mom.  Although we are all obviously hoping for the best, we don't know what the future holds.  I told him that I don't want him dealing with the pressure and stress of trying to make a baby when he should be focused on his mom.  Beyond that, I don't want to bring a child into the world under those kind of circumstances.  I want a child brought into this world in a place of love and peace, not a world of stress, pressure, and grieving.  I don't know what to do at this point.

And I don't know how to bring all this up with my doctor.  The truth is, he is as difficult to talk to as he is to understand.  I don't doubt that he is smart and good at getting people pregnant...I have heard the success stories from people I actually know.  But I don't know how they ever got anywhere with him when he seems to be all over the place.  I guess I am just feeling confused and a little lost.  And I am worried about my mother-in-law.  And I miss my husband.  And I am sick.  And apparently I am just feeling sorry for myself.  

Just had to get the thoughts out so they stopped bouncing around in my head.