What anxiety does to me...

I just have to get this out there.  I am an incredibly anxious person.  I worry about pretty much everything all the time.  In fact, right now, I am worrying about what people are thinking about me writing about my anxiety.  I know, I'm a little nuts.  When I get anxious about something, like a social situation that makes me uncomfortable, I get flushed and jittery and my heart races.  But when my mind is just working overtime, sometimes my anxiety comes out in other ways.

I am a compulsive skin picker.  I know, that sounds disgusting.  It's probably not as bad as it sounds, but it's definitely not a good thing.  I pick the skin around my fingernails and my lips, mostly.  And then it upsets me to see what I have done to myself, so I try to fix it, which only means more picking.  It's unhealthy, and I hate it.  I try to stop all the time.  And the husband asks me to stop when he is around.  But I still do it.

I don't really know why I am writing about this.  I just feel like maybe putting it out there will help me to be more aware of it so that I can stop.  Please don't judge me.  I choose not to be on medication for anxiety, depression, etc...I like to self-treat because I don't believe in being hopped up on drugs.  This blog is a sort of treatment for me.  Maybe it will help with my anxiety and picking, and maybe it won't.  I'm willing to try just about anything to feel better.  If I ever do get the chance to be a mom, I don't want to pass any of my craziness on to my little ones.  If I am self-assured and confident, maybe they will be too.  If I am an anxiety-ridden mess, I don't want them to be that way.

Sorry this was so off-topic.  Thanks for reading :)