Wednesday, January 16, 2013

What anxiety does to me...

I just have to get this out there.  I am an incredibly anxious person.  I worry about pretty much everything all the time.  In fact, right now, I am worrying about what people are thinking about me writing about my anxiety.  I know, I'm a little nuts.  When I get anxious about something, like a social situation that makes me uncomfortable, I get flushed and jittery and my heart races.  But when my mind is just working overtime, sometimes my anxiety comes out in other ways.

I am a compulsive skin picker.  I know, that sounds disgusting.  It's probably not as bad as it sounds, but it's definitely not a good thing.  I pick the skin around my fingernails and my lips, mostly.  And then it upsets me to see what I have done to myself, so I try to fix it, which only means more picking.  It's unhealthy, and I hate it.  I try to stop all the time.  And the husband asks me to stop when he is around.  But I still do it.

I don't really know why I am writing about this.  I just feel like maybe putting it out there will help me to be more aware of it so that I can stop.  Please don't judge me.  I choose not to be on medication for anxiety, depression, etc...I like to self-treat because I don't believe in being hopped up on drugs.  This blog is a sort of treatment for me.  Maybe it will help with my anxiety and picking, and maybe it won't.  I'm willing to try just about anything to feel better.  If I ever do get the chance to be a mom, I don't want to pass any of my craziness on to my little ones.  If I am self-assured and confident, maybe they will be too.  If I am an anxiety-ridden mess, I don't want them to be that way.

Sorry this was so off-topic.  Thanks for reading :)

7 comments:

  1. Bahaha I can hear your anxiousness from here. I am the same way, totally anxious all the damn time. I pick. Sometimes I eat (I hate this one). I feel like a weirdo trying to explain it. I hate the looks I get when I mention it. And I completely refuse to go get on something to calm myself. No thanks, not for me either. I am working on exercising and eating right, it really does cut down on my anxiousness. Anyway, don't worry (ha, no pun intended) I am with you on this one...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing Ally! It is nice to know I am not the only one out there going through these things.

      Delete
  2. Hi I'm Emily! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog!

    ewalsh874{at}gmail{dot}com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Emily! Thanks for reading. I emailed you :)

      Delete
  3. You are definitely not crazy. I have the horrible habit too of picking the skin around my nails. Ew. It sucks so I am totally with you. Here is something happy for you:
    I've nominated you for a Liebster award :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://whoshotdownmystork.blogspot.com/2013/01/ive-been-nominated.html

      Delete
    2. I'm so glad I'm not the only one! And thank you for the nomination! I'm so excited :)

      Is there a time limit on it? Cuz I am out of town without my laptop and my phone is a bitch to blog from!

      Delete