This is the inner struggle I face every month. And every month I tell myself that I won't test, but of course I always do. This month was a natural cycle, which means that the chances of it working are slim to none since none of the other tens of cycles have worked. I guess it only takes one, right?
So tomorrow I will probably wake up and pee on a stick. Again.
when if it is negative, I will test the next day (even though I promise myself and the husband that I won't). Why don't I just wait until my period is late like any other normal person? I don't know. I should just wait a few extra days. It would certainly save me heartbreak and money---those tests aren't cheap!
Deep down, if I am honest with myself, I know the reason why. What if I had gotten pregnant at some point and just never knew it? Even though it would have ended up being a chemical pregnancy or even an early miscarriage, it would be proof that I can actually get pregnant. What if life had started growing and I never knew it....that just makes me feel sad. Like it ended and wasn't even acknowledged or mourned.
So even though it may seem irrational, I will most likely wake up a take a test tomorrow. I probably won't even post the results...that is how little hope I actually have that it will be positive.
Or maybe, I will actually have some self-control and not test...