Thursday, December 6, 2012

Just a thought or two...

The main reason I started this blog was to have a place to put my thoughts because sometimes they just bounce around in my head and need somewhere to go.  Another reason is that I wanted my friends and family to get a better idea of what is going on my life.  Infertility is a sensitive subject for both the couple going through it and those around them.

I want a family, and I have waited a long time for one.  I'm not going to lie, it can be really difficult to see others around me getting pregnant, especially when I have been married longer or when they are on their 2nd or 3rd and I am still waiting for my chance.  This doesn't mean that I am not happy for those people, because I am.  It doesn't mean that I think I am more deserving than they are.  Yes, I may get sad for a minute or even cry at first when I hear the news (always in private of course because it is not that other person's fault that I am sad).  But then I wipe my eyes and blow my nose and move on like a big girl.  What I am trying to say is that I am happy for that other person even if I am sad for myself and my husband.  There is room for both emotions, which I don't think everyone realizes.  Almost all of my girlfriends now have children of their own, and I love those children and try to see them as much as possible to get my hugs and kisses in.  Do I maybe turn down invitations now and again to go to a function at which I would be surrounded by women with their children or women talking about their children?  Yes.  Is this wrong?  Maybe.  But I call it self-preservation.  I wouldn't want to break down in front of everyone or make people uncomfortable when they ask that inevitable question: do you have children?  Then there is an awkward moment when I say no, and they either leave it alone (whew!) or they ask when we are going to have them (ouch!).  Or they see me holding their child (what can I say, babies love me) and they make a comment about what a great mom I would be, so why don't I have kids yet?  If you are thinking these things don't really happen, or that they don't happen often, you would be wrong.

Now do you see why I don't usually talk about these things with people?  It makes me sound sad and desperate at best and jealous and bitchy at worst.  You see, people just don't know what to say when you mention that you have been trying to have a baby for 4 years without any luck.  Or....they say too much.  People love to give unsolicited advice.  They tell me about some friend they used to have that couldn't get pregnant for 2 months and then started taking (insert supplement here) and got knocked up right away.  I know they are trying to be helpful, but it is a little insulting that they think I haven't tried all of the normal things by now.  The worst, though, is when someone tells me: "just stop trying and it will happen."  Or, "it'll happen when it's supposed to happen."  I am begging you now to please not ever say either of those phrases to a woman trying to get pregnant.

I guess I just want people to be understanding and to respect one another.  Have some tact.  Be careful about the questions you ask and how you ask them because you don't know what the other person is going through.  And don't just assume that the other person won't be able to handle your good news just because they are having a hard time.

Good night y'all :)

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