So ever since the husband and I have started trying to get pregnant, I have thought of hundreds of ways to tell people. Not surprisingly, many of those ideas have been centered around holidays. I imagined sending out our holiday cards with a picture of me holding a sonogram picture...or taking a surprise visit home and telling the whole family over a turkey dinner...or wrapping up the pregnancy test and having the husband open it on Christmas morning. I think this is why holidays are so hard for me. Every one that passes is a reminder of what could have been I suppose.
Maybe this makes me a Grinch or a Scrooge or whatever, and I know that I am supposed to always look at the positive side of things...but it is just exhausting to do that all the time. So I am allowing myself a little bit of time to be sad about what I don't have yet. It won't hurt anybody (but me, I guess). Here I go...
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Now that I have given myself the time to mope and grieve about what I don't have, I can give thanks for what I do have. I have a husband that loves me and would do anything to make me happy. I have an ornery dog that drives me nuts, but I couldn't imagine going through the lonely nights when the husband is gone without him by my side. I have family and friends that love me. I have a job that keeps me busy and helps pay for the mounds of medical bills that are about to start piling up. All in all, I do have a lot to be thankful for...and to look forward to. I know that someday, some way, we will have a child of our own to spend the holidays with. For now, I will try to just live in the moment and enjoy all of the time alone I get with my wonderful husband and pup.
Goodnight all.
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